Dear Jane

If you still come by this blog I have to admit ... I am writing my Dear Jane letters but have had a difficult time publishing them. Not sure what direction to head right now.

Writing is good but blogging has become difficult.

have to share my new canvas. I am LOVING it!

finally updated my 365 calendar too ... been putting off getting all this month's pictures loaded http://www.shuttercal.com/calendar/MollyB/

and Another Thing

Dear Jane,

And another thing …

I feel like that you know.  Like that with my friends, like that on my blog, and like that with this social media craze.  Like each new thing I write say or think is like tacking it on to a story that is ongoing.

Just two minutes ago I sat down to write this post with an idea in mind and just like that the words started coming out and they took on a life of their own.  They are triggering different thoughts and paths in my brain than I had intended to venture down.  I keep trying to trace the yarn back to where I started in my head and get back on the right track and then I think … oh! And another thing …

See how that works?

You see I am dealing with this concept of STORY and that our lives are just one long story with various plots which are all secondary to the main plot that is LIFE itself.  I just read and am about to re-read with a friend, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.

I have “narrated” my life (often in the third person) much like a story from as far back as I can remember.  I even recall a time when I was 7 or so asking my mother if she thought like that and, looking back, she seemed concerned about my mental health.

I have also spent the majority of my life creating scenes and casting characters.  I literally organize “backdrops” to life in every situation I find myself in.  I organize, straighten, make suggestions or mental to-do lists of what would make the setting more perfect.  I often consider the people around me as characters in a story and as a child I used to spend time imagining various interactions of unrelated people in my life.

My mind is never still.

I even tell stories in my sleep.  I can dream a dream … wake up and go to the bathroom … then come back and finish the same dream.   I have always thought that was weird.

At any given time my mind is hosting a dinner party for 3 daydreams, 15 to-do lists, 5 things I need to remind someone else to do, 3 of my own problems and 6 problems of friends, and 8 phone calls or emails I need to return. 

It is a very noisy party at times.  Sometimes I love to kick everybody out and do something completely out of the blue to “reboot” the brain … clear the cache.

That brings me back to one of the yarns I was holding back several thoughts ago, Social Media.  What role is it really playing in my life?  Recently I have begun to think that it is bringing unnecessary clutter to my life.  I love some things about facebook.  I love having a peek into my friends lives when they are far away or maybe someone I might have lost touch with completely.  I even like the instant feedback on thoughts and ideas.  It is a truly fabulous marketing tool.  I often smile or laugh when I read status updates from my friends.

Then there is the other side … as fun as it is, do I really need to know that one of my friends is late for work, another is drinking coffee, two are off to the gym and yet another friend’s child just threw-up in the back seat in carpool?  Is this just cluttering my already overly busy brain? Do my facebook friends really need to know how I feel about the church sign I read or the crazy things my kids say?

And another thing, (you like how I did that? …  I just got all the way back to my original thought!) I have recently realized that I am spending TOO much time on things that have nothing to do with my ambitions or goals.  I have gotten too busy with stuff that is not enriching my life or helping me become a better person or documenting my story.

Oddly enough I think maybe scrapbooking started this trend.  I started out just to record our families memories. And then I fell into the “SCRAPBOOK WORLD” and industry that has a life of its own.  I started questioning my own creativity because I was over stimulated by such a large community of talented people.  I  became obsessed with creating the perfect picture.  The perfect Christmas. The Perfect Party. The perfect Coordinating outfit. The perfect household. The perfect life that I thought everyone was living because, let’s face it, those were the stories their scrapbooks and blogs told.  I became a little jaded with the whole thing. 

I want the story I tell to be real.  We have ups and downs.  My kids mouths are dirty sometimes and not in a cute way.  My laundry is not done all the time.  Sometimes it is in a basket in the corner.  My kitchen sink gets full of dishes.  My floors need mopping right now.  And sometimes we sit around in clothes that would not make pretty pictures.  It is called reality.

But reality is not all that shabby … I am sitting by the fire with my husband while he watches a cop drama and I blog and we chat about this and that.  It is good stuff but don’t take a picture because I have an empty coffee cup beside me and there is a hot wheels in the floor and the pillows on the couch are crooked.  Oh and the lighting stinks!

I did not set out to achieve perfection or even to compete with the things other people were putting on their pages.  I just woke up one day and asked myself why in the world I was putting so much stress on myself to be perfect.  I realized that the stories I saw in other people’s scrapbooks, on other people’s blogs, on television shows, on FACEBOOK, made me feel inferior.  It made me feel like we were not quite measuring up somehow.  I did not articulate this really I just felt it.

So I asked myself what was the purpose of being so perfect.  In fact the only thing perfection really accomplishes is hiding reality because none of us is perfect.  We must deny ourselves something, we must HIDE something, in order to appear perfect.  That denial. That hiding.  That stuff leaves a mark.  When we HIDE reality to APPEAR perfect then the only result is that someone else is made to feel inferior and begin their own pursuit of perfection.  It is a meaningless pursuit.

So I am tossing that all aside.  Perfection is a worthless ambition.  I want to aim for something more meaningful and more real.   I want to know my kids hearts and dreams and help them make them come true.  I want them to know me and see me as human.  I want them to know our strength comes from the Lord and not from having a perfect life.

I want to leave a mark that said I was here.  I suffered. I struggled. I cried.  I worked. I committed. I surrenderred. I found redemption. I overcame. I lived. It mattered.

And another thing ….    

my mind is a scary place

Dear Jane,

I have so many things on my mind right now.  It is like life comes and goes in phases.  There are times when no deep or introspective thought occurs to me and then there are times when I feel like I am assaulted with insight.

However it seems like when I sit down to try to articulate these insights and preserve them for the future me I can’t produce.  I am sick, stuffy, and have chapped lips.  When I try to write all of these become huge issues to the point of distraction.  I have 15 things on my to-do list that have not been bugging me … until I sit down to write.  I am hungry.  I am thirsty.  I need to go to the bathroom.  The mail just ran.  Oops time to change the clothes in the laundry.  I need to file that form.  I need to move to a quieter location. The phone rings. Before I know it the time is gone and these great insights are still in my head and not on paper.  Give me a girlfriend and cup of coffee and I have no trouble.  Maybe I should be recording my coffee dates. 

I am realizing that I start everyday with fabulous intentions and great organization but I get distracted by a million things and the things that really needed to get done never appealed to me and just never got done.  Whatever I am doing I would rather be doing something else.

I keep telling myself if I would just get up and knock my to-do list out fast then I would be free to do as I please with the rest of the day.  I need to work on this.

It has occurred to me that the things I announce I am going to do.  Don’t turn out so well but the things that happen spontaneously are amazing.  This gets me to wondering if I should ever proclaim an ambition or if I should just give it all up and fly by the seat of my pants and see what happens.  Do I need more structure and discipline to accomplish what I say I am or do I need less and be pleasantly surprised by the product of my imagination?

In truth I think that choosing between these two options is the downfall of many people.  Life is a careful balancing act of discipline and follow through and freedom and creativity.  Too much indulgence in either can have disastrous results.  So if you need me please look for me on the tightrope strung over the Cliffs of Dedication the River of Whimsy.  I will be there carefully trying to navigate both.

 

P.S. I am still going to recap Saturday.  I just have to do it from another computer.  It is on my to-do list and I just have not made it yet! :)

Saturday Peek :)

Dear Jane,

We had the greatest day! Here is a peek ... guess where we were? More pictures coming tomorrow umm soon! For now I must get some sleep!

I'm gonna miss him

Dear Jane,

 

I am down to my last 8 months with my baby boy at home. 

He is not so much a baby anymore as he constantly reminds me.  In August he will start Kindergarten and I am going to miss him so much.  Every day he sleeps in until I drag his bottom out of bed at 8 am.  If he happens to wake up early he walks right into the living room and declares, “I need something to eat and something to drink.” Being hungry must motivate him out of the bed some times. 

So every morning we start with breakfast and go from there.  He LOVES television and not in just a lazy, "I would rather lay around and watch tv than play" sort of way.  He loves the shows, the characters, the music, the commercials.   While I occasionally catch him vegged out on the couch watching tv usually he is watching while he has a big pile of cars, or legos, or trains, or heros out in front of him.  He especially loves to play with toys that correspond to what he is watching on tv.  Maybe I am just a sappy mom but I think he is pretty cute with his tv obsession.

While he loves to watch tv he NEVER turns down outside time or time with his friends.  In fact I am pretty sure that if we lived in a place where he could play outside without supervision he would be outside 99% of the time.  He loves his bike that Santa brought him and would be riding the roads now if it were not 15 degrees outside today.

 

He plays so well by himself but he never lets me forget how much he loves me.  He randomly comes and finds me during the day to tell me he loves me or to ask for a hug.  Sometimes he even just sits in my lap while I work.  He is a fabulous cuddler.  He knows just how to sit in a persons lap to snuggle right in and he gets STILL (something Clara Jane has never figured out) He will fall asleep right there in your lap at night time. 

He would gag if he heard all this sweet talk about him.  He routinely reminds me that he is not a baby or a girl.  He is TOUGH STUFF! And he also thinks kissing is gross.  He really wants to catch a lizard.  It has been a lifelong goal of his but he is too slow.  He also wants to drive the car, something he has been asking since about 2.  His other ambition is to play football.  He is not sure yet if he wants to catch, throw, kick or hit people.  They all have appeal when you are a four year old boy.

 

He is so much a part of my day that I might go a little crazy without him here … think he needs a new sibling? :)

a First for us

Dear Jane,

I sat down last night and looked at the pictures from Sloan’s first basketball game.  He played Saturday with our church’s Upward program.

Sloan is also doing GREAT with learning the memory verses that they are given each week.  He earns as star with each one.  In addition to memory verses the coaches are doing such a fabulous job balancing teaching these little guys the fundamentals of the game and good sportsmanship and Christ-like behavior. 

They start each game and practice with a prayer.

This is the “red team” from Saturday.  Be afraid!

When Sloan got started at his first practice he had never even held a basketball.  He could not dribble to save his life!  Slade went and bought him a basketball and (because it has been so cold outside) they have been practicing dribbling in the middle of the kitchen floor.  He is really doing great at picking it up.

There is of course the inevitable lack of formation as each little boy only has one goal in mind, “GET THE BALL!”  This made the first game hilarious because they want the ball so bad they forget who is on their team sometimes.

Sloan even made a couple of baskets during the game!

Everyone knows shooting the ball at the goal is the “MOST FUN THING EVER!” Just ask Sloan.

I am not in denial.  I realize these are not GREAT pictures but I love them just the same.  Some of the blurry ones are my favorites.  They sort of capture the “first game” thing.  This is our family’s first sporting event. We all went to our first game Saturday.  And you get the sense that it is the first of many to come.  That we are embarking on something that will be a life long part of our Saturdays.  Just like Sloan will improve at playing sports I will improve at photographing sports.  So the blurry images and distracting ISO noise and odd coloring are just a part of the process.  I like that the pictures tell that story too.

When we got home later that day I had to take some fun pictures of the kids.  It was one of those moments when I looked at them and saw them as they really are at 7 and 4.  Clara Jane with her messy hair, big eyes, snaggle teeth, and silly silly silliness.  Sloan with his goofy expression, dirty mouth and jersey, and exaggerated facial expressions.  So I drug them out to the garage for a few QUICK snaps in the cold.  I love the results.  These are pictures of my kids the way I see them everyday.  They are not perfectly groomed or perfectly well behaved.  They are just my kids on a Saturday afternoon and I LOVE it!

 

Snow Day

Dear Jane,

It is a SNOW DAY in Alabama today.  The kid’s schools are closed.  We have a fresh pot of Chili.  We have batteries, flashlights and plenty of fresh water.  We have marshmallows and hot chocolate. We have plenty of milk and bread. Slade has been called in on storm duty and has been gone now for almost 24 hours and counting.  We have it ALL! Well we have it all except the snow.

It appears that after much forecasting and many urgent warnings to prepare yourselves and family to be housebound the snow once again missed us in Pelham.  People all around us have snow and some of them even a foot of it but we have nothing but a really nasty layer of frozen rain on everything.

It is hard not to be disappointed.  I really have no desire to live in a snowy place.  I have no desire to have to deal with snow day in and day out.  However, I would really like to see a forecasted storm accumulate in my front yard more than and 1/8^th of an inch just once while my kids are young.

As my own form of therapy and to express my frustration and disappointment the kids and I had a fun little photo op that seems to sum it up for me.

 

Afterwards we went out for a walk … that turned into a slide.  The surfaces are very slick so they just got to the driveway before I made them come back in.  We may try to go our when the temps get above freezing and let them walk off a little energy. 

 

For now we are happily home bound.  The kids are making a dollar store in Clara Jane’s room and I am certain I am going to get to shop there soon.  Everything on the “shelves” is being crafted from construction paper and copious amounts of tape.  What a treat! LOL

I can thank the threat of a power outage for the fact that I got all my laundry done yesterday in preparation.   And we have dinner ready thanks to that huge pot of chili I made last night.  And thankfully since the power is still on I have nice hot coffee.  So while it was disappointing not to see snow it is a nice day at home with my babies.

Dear Jane,

it's been a year today ... there is so much you would have loved to see and be a part of this year. So many things have happened that would have thrilled you. It is exciting to think that you are in a place so much better no experince here could ever compare.

You are loved and you are missed.

Hello again

Dear Jane,

I have always had a problem with journaling or blogging for that matter to the great abyss. “Dear Diary” seems hollow and not addressing entries seems pointless and unfocused. Not having a particular person in mind that I am writing to has always made the journaling and blogging process feel a bit forced to me. Quite honestly, I can not imagine who would care about the hum-drum of our lives and the excruciating detail I consider it in at times. And yet even with this predicament, from a young age, I have never been able to escape the need to journal, to document, to write.

Perhaps some people will think it is crass and inappropriate to address a blog to my grandmother who has so recently passed. Maybe it is. However, as this year has progressed since your passing, I miss our phone calls more and more. You were always most interested in even the smallest detail of our lives and returned the favor with the many minute details of your day winding it all up with your go-to dinner of Slimfast and crackers.

Why am I calling you Jane? I have no delusion that, while in heaven surrounded by the majesty of our Lord and King, you are actually reading my letter to you. Therefore I do not feel as if I am showing you any disrespect. Rather, your name, Jane, has always been one of my favorite names. I love the way it looks. I love the way it sounds. I love how it is simple and yet still so feminine. It has a vintage quality that does not feel stuffy and old. It is unique. It is why I gave your name to my daughter. Oddly, your name inspires me and somehow packages the vision I have for creating my home and life. I do not mean I aspire to be and live just as you did rather that the images your name conjures in my mind combine to create an ideal I hold dear.

I do not intend to write to you in an attempt to keep you here with me because I know that you are in a far better place. I am not writing to you to recreate or relive your life although I might be compelled to recall a memory or two here and there. Nor am I writing to place you in some unnatural light of perfection or sainthood. I know you were just a person. I am not writing to you to make you live on or anything and grand as that. Selfishly, writing to you is for me.

Clara Jane just came to me and read me a joke as I was typing. "What do you get when you cross a police man with a skunk? Law and Odor!" It made me smile to watch her read it and for the play on words to occur to her and tickle her. She is growing up so fast. I always wanted my children to stay young because elementary age kids scared me. They seemed so awkward and hard to communicate with. However, now that we are there I do not feel that way at all. I guess all I needed was a little experience and to be deeply in love with a seven (and a half) year old girl.

These little moments come and go in my life with such frequency that I forget them almost as quickly as they happen. It seems so sad to me that so much of our life is so quickly forgotten. Even though they pass quickly both in time and memory they are the very stitches in our tapestry that give it texture and life. Maybe I can write some of it down. Maybe I will go back and read it one day. Maybe my children will read it one day. Maybe these words will disappear it to forgotten past as quickly as reality does. I am not sure. What I do know is that I need to write it.

This year my resolution is to be more purposeful with the time I have been given. To plan ahead to do the needed things efficiently so that there is time to do the more desirable things. To manage my reactions better so that I do not have to live with guilt and regret. To mind my own business and take care of myself first so that I have am better, healthier and have more to give to those I might be offered the opportunity to serve. To scrub the words I’m sorry from my most commonly used phrases. To say NO to things I do not want to do and not to let guilt, anxiety, and other people’s feeling rule my life and my emotions.

It all seems a bit lofty and pretentious typed out like that but in my mind and in my heart it rings with a feeling of peace I have not felt in a while. I have been buying high and selling low. I have been trading peace for chaos all in an attempt to have and accomplish more. In so doing I have reduced the quality of my life and relationships.

So write, I will! It is one of the good things I want to reclaim. I may not post all my letters to you on my blog but I will be writing them. I guess time will tell what is best.You always closed every note and phone call to me with, “Oh, and Molly, Have a Good Life.” I am taking that to heart. It will be my mantra for the year. To enjoy the process and have a good life.

XXOOXX, 

Molly

Shark tales

Okay so this phone photo is terrible but until there is an instant upload to typepad from my slr thus will have to do. It is the only way I am ever going to get back to blogging.

Last week I hear Clara Jane and Sloan playing "shark" downstairs. With any other child this game would be purely imaginary but with clara Jane this game has to have accessories! She made fins an tails for her and Sloan to complete the shark fantasy. There was also a very large school of brightly colored construction paper fish swimming in my living room. To hear them tell it they had to make fish be cause sharks get real hungry!

This is not a surprising bust of literal creativity. Clara Jane is know for this. To have such an unlimited imagination and thirst to create she is saddled with a need for practical application and literal context for her fantasy. It is quite an amusing combination in a seven year old girl who loves the idea of things like unicorns but in the absence of some justification of their possible existence she can not allow them to enter her world of make believe! FYI: She has justified unicorns by assuming they are a real creature but only in heaven not on earth.

Last week when she wanted to play with he purple and pink sparkly dragon she had to make wings fashioned out of construction paper and yarn for all of her other stuffed animals because in a world where dragons exist so must puppies, kitties, and bears that can fly.

I need to get a copy of her fashion show pictures from my mom so you can see the red curtains she made for the "stage".

Now accepting donations of construction paper and tape.

Well it is officially summer.  I feel like summer began this week because this is the first week of our "summer routine."  The first week the kids were out of school we were at Lake Seminole Camping for a few days and then on to Bonifay.  The second week we had VBS and I am not sure what about VBS is so intense but it will seriously wear you down if you do it right! :) 

We had a wonderful and relaxing weekend Lake Seminole camping with our family.  It was seriously difficult to get away when I have so many things on my plate at home but once we were there it was one of the most relaxing things I have done in a while.  I even got to take the kayak out on the lake early in the morning and watch the sunrise over the tree line and listen to the park wake up.  It was unbelievable calm and serene and gave me lots of time to pray, study and reflect as well and just be with my family.  It is really difficult to get that kind of perspective in the middle of every day life.  So much so I am having difficultly adequately explaining it here.

The Lord has been so amazing to me and I feel so blessed to be one of His chosen people.  Life is not really all that easy but the Lord's presence and nourishment of my soul have never subsided. 

Recently I have been so challenged to not be afraid of where He leads and to follow Him courageously though life.  It is so easy to pray, "Do what ever you want with my life Lord, but please do not make me do this or that." In fact I would daresay there is not a single believer who has had no trepidation about what the Lord might call them to.  However, once we have accepted Christ's gift of salvation there is nothing that can happen to us on earth that can change the fact that God's plan for us has been fulfilled.  After that all that is left for us to do is write the middle part of the story because God has secured the most important part of the story.  It reminds me of those last few days of high school when I had already done everything that was required of me to graduate.  All I had to do was come to school and get marked "present" and then I spent the days getting my yearbook signed and laughing and chatting about college and jobs with my friends.  The same should be true in our greater life.  Once God's eternal plan is fulfilled in our lives we do not need to stress so much about each day and each problem.  We need to put the priority on fellowshiping with Him and spending time with our friends and acquaintances either in Christian fellowship or in encouraging them to seek out God's eternal plan as well. 

Problems come and go.  They require our participation but not our undivided attention.  In my life one thing I have learned well is resolving one problem only makes way for another problem to surface as top priority.  Life happens.  Good and Bad Life Happens.  Problems will continue to happen every day until we die.  So we get to choose what the story of our lives will be.  Will the story be one of living cautiously and resolving every problem meticulously but failing to live and love?  Or will the central theme of your story be of one who loves the Lord with wild abandon and tries every day to see people and love people the way God sees and love us?  I am not suggesting that we live recklessly and irresponsibly but that we not let the details and problems of life take center stage in our story.  That we are strong and courageous in our faith and that we seek wisdom from the Lord who is just waiting to give it to us. (James 1:5)  

Borrowed from a Pricillia Shirer Bible Study ... A good reminder to start every day with

He Is…..

The First and the Last

The Beginning and the end

The keeper of creation

The creator of all

He’s the architect of the universe

And the manager of all time

He always was, always is and always will be.

Unmoved, unchanged, undefeated and never undone

He was bruised but brought healing,

He was pierced but eased pain,

He was persecuted but brought freedom

He was dead and brings life

He is risen to bring power
And he reigns to bring peace
The world can’t understand Him

Armies can’t defeat Him

Schools can’t explain Him

And leaders they can’t ignore Him

Harod couldn’t kill Him

Nero couldn’t crush Him

The new age can not replace Him

And Oprah can not explain Him away

You remind yourself that
He IS Life,

HE IS Love,

HE IS Longevity and He IS The LORD

HE IS Goodness, kindness, faithfulness

And HE IS GOD

HE IS holy and righteous

and powerful and pure

His ways are right,

His word eternal

His will unchanging

And His mind is on us

He is our savior, our guide,

Our peace, our joy, our comfort

Our Lord and He rules our lives,

I serve Him because His bond is love

His yoke is easy His burden is light

And His goal for us is abundant life.

I follow Him because,

He Is the wisdom of the wise

The power of the powerful

The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers,

The leader of all leaders,

His goal is a relationship with me

He will never leave you, never forsake you

Never mislead you, never forget you,

Never overlook you and

Never cancel your appointment is His appointment book.

When you fall He’ll lift you up,

When you fail He will forgive you.

When your weak He’s strong,

When your lost He’s your way

When your afraid He is your courage,

When you stumble He will steady you,

When your hurt He Is going to heal you,

When your broken He will mend you,

When your blind He will lead you,

When your hungry He will feed you,

When you face trials He Is with you,

When I face persecution He shields me,

When I face problems He will comfort me,

When I face loss He will provide for me,

And when we face death

He will carry us all home to meet Him.

He is everything for everybody,

everywhere ,every time,

And in every way.

He is your God

and that sister’s is who you belong to.

Move it back boy

This is how I found Sloan watching tv this morning. A little close doncha think.

School is almost out

Took this almost second grader to sonic for an orang slush today. Good times :)

I read this on facebook and I love it

"There's running and climbing and jumping and falling, And laughing and crying and hugging and brawling, And rolling and losing and finding and creeping, And whining and stealing and sometimes there's sleeping. There's tantrums and time outs and extra loud noise - There's love in my house shaped like a little boy."

Before and after March 17th

 
 
 

poppy seed chicken reviewed

I mentioned earlier that i was going to try out a recipe from e-mealz.  Here it is:

Poppy Seed Chicken over Rice with Sweet Peas

• cooked and chopped chicken breast
• 2 cans cream of chicken soup
• 1 C sour cream
• crackers
• 1 stick of melted butter
• 2 Tbs poppy seeds

place cooked chicken in sprayed 9x13 casserole.  Combine chicken soup and sour cream and spoon over chicken.  Sprinkle crushed crackers and poppy seeds over top. drizzle butter over casserole. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes until hot an bubbly. Serve over steamed rice.

Cook peas on stove top and serve hot.

Of course I can not follow any recipe exactly so I made a few changes.  Here is my recipe:

• cooked and chopped chicken breast (I roasted mine in my pampered chef magic pot)
• 2 cans cream of chicken soup
• 1 C sour cream
• 1/2 cheddar cheese
• Italian bread crumbs
• 1 can sweet peas

place cooked chicken in sprayed 9x13 casserole.  Combine chicken soup, sour cream, cheese, and peas and spoon over chicken.  Sprinkle Italian Bread Crumbs over top.  Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes until hot an bubbly. Serve over steamed rice.

I put the peas in the casserole instead of on the side because my kids eat more veggies when they are in food.  I also added a little cheese and used Italian Bread Crumbs instead of crackers.

As I was mixing up the soups i knew it seemed too thick but I went ahead and followed the recipe.  In hindsight I should have followed my instincts.  This recipe could have been greatly improved by using only one can of soup and less sour cream and adding in more of the chicken stock from the roasting pan to loosen it a bit.  The flavor was good but the texture was bad.  It was so thick it was sort of pasty.

The kids and the hubs ate it and seemed to like it but if I use this one again I will be making several changes.

Thursday? Seriously? and April ONE? Really?

Okay, so is it okay with you if I start this post sort of rambling? I will take your silence as a "YES!" How in the world is is Thursday at 6:20pm?  I know. I know. First it was Sunday then Monday and so on but wow my week  has whizzed by and I still have too many things on that infernal to-do list.  and in the spirit of rambling and the poor grammatical structure that is my blog ... why do people say "Seriously" all the time.  It is getting old ... I mean SERIOUSLY. oh yeah that and Really? I mean REALLY?

Whew! now that I have that out of my system maybe I can restore some order to this post.

Today is the first day of April.  The first day of any month sort of inspires me to get my act together and it is always a regrouping day full of new resolutions.  Monday's can be that way too.  In fact I will take any opportunity for a fresh start and a new approach.  I love a system and I love trying new ones until I find one that works for me.  I mean I am just being honest.

That is another thing that people say that drives me crazy. "I'm just being honest."  I was assuming your were being honest.  That is why I was lending you my ear and a moment of my time.  Gee!

Now the more important note about the first day of April is that my Daddy's birthday.  My poor dad got to start the day with a call from his two oldest grandkids who were rambling (about like their mother does) about his birthday and guessing how old he is.  Clara Jane guessed 26! and was thrilled to announce she was really close! She got the 6 right! Daddy is really 56 and in the mind of a 1st grader she was REALLY CLOSE!  Sloan told Daddy (P-Paw) "I'm going to number you 4." I hope his day has been great despite the chaotic call with us!

Then there is the whole April Fool's thing which just irks me because I hate practical jokes.  I have never found them all that humorous.  I mean the innocent prank like short sheeting Uncle David's bed is one thing but emotional jokes sort of get on my nerves.  I was reading through facebook today at all the things that peoples older kids did to them and I sent up a prayer thanking God my kids are not old enough to prank me yet.

Now since I was not out pranking my friends I did get a lot done today.  Lots of MBP work and a session with a beautiful 3 month old named Bailey ... She looked like the baby from the little Golden book where the little girl takes care of her baby doll while the Mom cares for a newborn.  Super Sweet girl with blue eyes.  and she was a talker too! :)

I decided to give try one of those new organizational systems I mentioned earlier ... Virginia inspired me.  I will tell you more about it once I have had a week or so to get used to it and see if it going to work.  I feel sort of naked without my lists. And to ramble some I think V and I might have some sort of below the surface connection because while I do not see her that often I relate almost entirely to everything she says or does.  Kindred Spirits for sure. 

Then Amy inspired me to start planning meals out at the beginning of the week.  Amy keeps me inspired to not give up on things especially things like cooking dinner.  This menu idea has been beating around in my head for a while and then Rebecca introduced me to E-mealz and I am giving it a go ... Tonight will be Poppy Seed Chicken, Rice and Peas.  I'll get back to you on that too.

Now I guess I better go check that chicken or we might be ordering pizza.

deep thoughts from the laundry basket

I spent most of the day doing laundry.  Because I have that problem with doing multiple things at one time I watching Mama Mia and House while folding the socks ...

The random things I think while I am doing laundry ... this is totally boring but alas it is what happens in my brain

I am always wondering if there is an easier or more organized way to get this chore done

I struggle with stains and today was especially frustrated when my fabric softener stained a new shirt of Clara Jane's

I hate matching socks

I wish I had a laundry line outside to dry clothes out in the sun

I realize for the 80th time this week that I need to go through and weed out the kids clothes

I get super mad when I accidentally dry one of my shirts because it will then be forever too short for my 6 foot frame

I love the way clean clothes smell and Iove having fresh clean clothes in my drawers.

and I have thoughts like this:

IF I could just get all this laundry done I could die happy.  But I better die quick because there will be more dirty clothes in an hour.

adventures in lawn care

I am going to admit that I know next to nothing about taking care of a yard and making it look nice.  Slade has been in charge of it since we moved in and he does a great job.  He stays on top of the weed eating and mowing and other yard things like killing fire ants but Slade was not born to enjoy yard work.  He does it so well because he is awesome like that and takes his responsibilities seriously.  Totally one of the reasons I am the luckiest girl alive.  I mean who does not want an awesome, responsible, hardworking husband?

So it has never bothered me that our yard was just neat not spectacular.  I mean I did not have the need to make it fancy or anything.  Enter "spring 2010" and things are shifting a bit. 

Clara Jane is 7 and Sloan is going on 4.  We have had a long winter of cabin fever and when the weather started getting nicer it was like we were driven outside by some unspoken voice within.  This Spring we have been spending almost all of our down time outside. 

and now I have a confession to make ...

perhaps a confession to myself because you, my friends, already know this about me ...

I can't just sit still.  I have an inner NEED to be DOING something. ANYTHING.

So as we have been hanging outside I started looking around my yard and thinking to myself about the proper care of crepe myrtles and I saw the weeds in my flower beds for the first time ... do you see where this is going?

Yes. I admit that while my kids are riding their bikes, coloring the driveway with chalk, and other outdoor type chaos ... I have started working in the yard.  I have no delusion that I will win yard of the month or anything like that but I do find working the weed eater oddly rewarding.  and I researched those crepe myrtles and then I pruned them for the first time ever.

AND DID YOU KNOW that in order crank a lawn mower you have to prime the tank or you will be standing in the yard yanking that chain and destroying your shoulder until the cows come home or some poor walker takes pity on you and stops to show you how to do this "priming" thing.

I am having a ball.

Slade my responsible hard working husband is having a hard time with his girl doing the yard work because he has always been my knight in shining armor and saved me from all "ew gross" work.  I keep telling him to chill and that I am having a good time. 

and Slade if you are reading this you can keep changing the oil and doing all things that involve grease and man tools and especially all things that involve bugs.  I promise I will let you save me from all bugs and critters and I further pledge I have no desire to crawl under a car for any reason what-so-ever.  I love you ... thanks for being awesome.

you prob dont want to read this ... i just need to get it out

oh my goodness this day is getting to me

i am in the worst mood

this cold

this grey

for three days on end

plus the 4 days of rain rain rain last week

my kids are bickering and restless

i need to fold clothes

i need to file my coupons

i need to edit pictures

i need to clean the front windows

i need to weed the yard

i need to clean the garage

i need a haircut

i have not put on makeup today

i am sick of winter clothes

i feel trapped in this house today and i am m-o-o-d-y with a capitol M

whew I cant stand to hear myself. 

I am generally pretty even but today I have the bluey blues. :( ... please tell  you if you read this that you've had days like this??

I am certain tomorrow will be better

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i am thinking of teaching my kids a lesson the hard way

My kids are spoiled.

We are not rich. We do not have lots of expensive things. We do not do lots of expensive activities. They are certainly not raised like some of the kids I have seen on some of these reality shows.  I guess they are really not spoiled by AMERICAN standards. 

However, I am not talking about the standard of the society we live in.  I am talking about the relationship between the minimal need for survival and their current standard of living.  Any child that cries over not getting to print a web page on the computer or not getting a specific snack or sweet is spoiled.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  By no fault of their own, they take our standard of life for granted and even say things like, "I wish we could buy a toy every time we go to walmart" or "I wish I had the richest parents in the word."  It literally turns my stomach to hear my kids being ungrateful for a lifestyle that a Haitian child would consider unfathomable wealth and luxury.

We have balanced meals on the table everyday.  We have more toys than they could possibly ever play with.  We play games as a family often with really cool board games and gaming systems. We go out to eat at places with playgrounds designed just for kids. We have safe clean parks to visit. We go to church and worship freely. We have multiple computers, tvs, movies, etc.

Do we buy the latest thing everyday? No

Will they get a car when they are 16? doubtful

Do we give them candy everyday? nope

Do we cave when they beg, cry, throw a fit? not on your life

Do we let them wear what they want to wear everyday? no

Do we let them disrespect us at home or in public? no way

Do we let them run wild because it is easier than disciplining them? no

But are we abusing them? are we causing them harm? are they neglected? absolutely not

My almost 7 year old has deemed her life as horrible and she wishes she had another life so call me crazy but I am thinking of giving her another life.  Both of them actually.

I am seriously considering taking every single thing out of her room and locking it all up in her brother's room.  Then I would put a double mattress on the floor with a pillow and blanket for each of them.  A milk crate for each of them to hold 2 pair of pants, 2 shirts, 2 pairs of socks and underwear, pj's and pair of shoes.  one small stuffed toy and a book.  We will eat potatoes for every meal and no snacks.  I would unplug the tv and they could read or play outside for fun.

And the crazy thing is they would still have everything they need and infinitely more than many other children around the world.

It sounds extreme but I am very seriously considering it.  I am just trying to weigh if it will teach the lesson I am trying to convey.  I have tried to do it with words but the concept of doing without or not having enough is just foreign to them. Literally.

How do you teach your children to be grateful?

struggling

 

inspire v. 1. To guide or affect by divine influence. 2. To fill with high emotion: exalt. 3. To stimulate to creativity or action. 4. To elicit : arouse. 5. To inhale.

this word. this concept. this oxygen. this process. this need. this fuel. this idea. this source. this possibility. this monster. this friend. this cavity. this ache. this INSPIRE. this INSPIRATION. 

i am struggling with it a bit.

I twittered the other day ... walking to the edge of where inspiration becomes a full blown downward spiral overpowering your mind and immobilizing your body

I have a need to be inspired and inspiration comes from so many places.  In fact there is a different source for every different hat i wear.  Mother. Wife. Christian. Friend. Artist. etc. etc. etc.  However lately I feel like I have been inspired beyond my ability to produce.  Like my mind is so full of possibility but the person that I am is limited, afraid, and unable to measure up to the potential my mind sees.  And all the sources inspiration and possibility are swirling, unorganized and chaotic, below like some chasm that will swallow me if i venture into it. 

Not every good thing is good for you. 

Not every rabbit trail can be followed. 

I am struggling to hone the mass of inspiration to a well organized flow of things that will benefit me and my priorities.

and it is a struggle.

so i am praying for wisdom and discernment and divine inspiration.

random thoughts regarding my weekly routine ... oh so random

I love when our lives hit routine and run pretty much according to it.  I mean life with little kids is never really routine but there is a loose outline we follow.  Things have finally settled back down after a month solid at home we are starting to find rhythm and routine again.

Monday's are my "day off" and I had a very productive day of cleaning yesterday with all the windows open and the sun shining.  I was a little drunk with spring fever i think.  While I was cleaning the kitchen Sloan was riding his bike in the garage/driveway.  He had been helping me dust and clean the front windows earlier.  He is a diligent little helper.  He came running in from outside asking for a rag.  I could not imagine what he was doing so I got a rag and went out with him.  He said, "look mama.  My bike is so SO dirty."  Then he set about doing the most detailed cleaning I could imagine on his hands and knees wiping that bike down.  I still can not get over his dedication to the task.

Tuesday's are usually a booked shooting day for me but with the freezing rainy weather I had a day off today.  I mean I still have one million office tasks to do but I did not have to venture out with the camera.  After a morning of work I got the pleasant reward of lunch with a girlfriend. There is nothing like that to make a yucky day better.  We sat by the most delightful group of silly, grumpy, cold, old women I have seen in real life and it was awesome.  I want to be just like them when I am 70ish.  Oh and I even had time to get a mile and half in at the indoor track at the church before getting Sloan from school.

Wednesday's are my designated office day for proofing and all the other tedious office tasks.  I think I am going to try to make it to a spin class in the morning early and Sloan has a friend coming over to play so it is looking like a good day.

Every afternoon after school Clara Jane comes in and dumps her backpack and sets about making something.  Drawing. Coloring. Painting. Gluing. Stapling. Creating.  It is like her oxygen.  I love that she likes to express herself creatively.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are shooting days.

I grabbed this picture before a shoot last Friday in the Gardens ... I love the look of a pre-spring garden.

Sunday is our day of rest and worship.  Last Sunday was a gorgeous day with a hint of Spring in the air so we took the top off the Jeep after church and went for a drive down some old coal mine dirt roads.  Clara Jane and Sloan were so excited.  Sloan kept telling people we "took the lid off our jeep."

I like the rhythm.  I like the pace.  It is good.

  

Making Progress

I love to crochet! Who knew?!  I am up to 17 squares now doing one a day.  I have joined one row together.  I still need to do that to the second row but I feel pretty good just having done the squares.  I am totally loving this bite sized project and the instant gratification of it.   Perfect for me!

 

These are a few of my favorite things

Take My Life

it's good

it is good around here.   

 
Slade's Birthday is today and we have had a full and excellent day.  We started by grabbing Shipley's Kolaches then heading out hiking in the snow at Tannehill and had a birthday picnic there.

Clara Jane imagined, designed and created a banner for Slade made from copious amounts of construction paper, pipe cleaners, and tape.  It had already started to fall from the intense partying by the time I snapped a picture.

Yesterday we got that snow fall I mentioned earlier ... it was beautiful coming out of the sky.  Much more beautiful than it was on the ground.  But the kids had fun none the less.

Sloan tried to catch the first flakes on his tongue

 

We were waiting for Clara Jane's early bus home from school and the snow really started piling up!

Once she got here they dove in

We built our tallest Alabama snowman ever ... 2 1/2 feet!

So it is good here!

Have a great Sunday and a Happy Valentine's Day!